Love is a pinch of this, a smidge of that, a pound of this, and an ounce of that…
My bonding time with Aunt Sicily and Uncle Sebastian comes in the form of cooking. There are very few barriers that cannot be broken through by cooking including language. There is something about watching a person who loves cooking share their joy with me that brings a smile to my face. The finer details of who they are cannot be revealed in regular small talk but unfold over time as they cook. It is in the way she/he holds a knife, organizes a spice rack, or selects produce that teaches me about the level of love and patience she/he has for her/his loved ones. Sicily and Sebastian are a delightful team working side by side as my Kerala cooking instructors. Both appear impressed by my level of interest and excitement at learning; I must admit I, too, am impressed with myself. I have always loved cooking, watching people cook, and assisting in the kitchen but I never really noticed or paid attention to how much I have actually picked up over the years. When Sicily reaches for something and begins searching for the words to describe what she is doing I already have an idea of what she is going to say and do. When she or Sebastian presents me with fresh seasonings I can either identify it at first glance or after a quick inhalation. The complexity of the dishes is centered on patience because each dish requires that you build up the flavor. They taught me how to make chicken Masala, chili chicken, vegetable biryani, and are eager to teach me more. They have reaffirmed for me that there is still joy in cooking. There is still joy in prepping and cooking for hours to serve a meal that will last a half hour.
I am homesick because I want to be in the kitchen with my mom as she makes her lasagna or baked macaroni with baked chicken and collard greens or her okra soup. I want to watch her tell me that she loves my dad by the way she cooks each dish to suit his taste and that she loves me and my sister because she pre-stocks her kitchen with all the ingredients to prepare one or more of our childhood favorites. But this is not the homesick that makes a person want to curl up and cry. It is more like a curiosity to learn and explore the many faces, gestures, and rhythms of love that are passed from generation to generation. I was taught that love is a dab of this, a smidge of that, a pound of this, and an ounce of that but most importantly it is an act of patience, care, and selfless giving.
Being here my loves have become more apparent. I really do relish in the simplicities of life. For the ten years I have been labeled an adult by society (I'm still just a big kid at heart) I thought I was supposed to be complicated, troubled, and somehow mysterious. India has helped me to realize that simplicity, in its own way, is both complex and rare. Now how to apply that realization to my personal and professional life back home is the next piece to the puzzle that is me...in India...for another 3.5 months.
Dr. Caroline Long Burry, our International Field Coordinator for UMB/SSW, has been visiting the Rajagiri campus, meeting the staff and faculty, and attending cultural outings and events with the UMB6 group and our friends. She has had the opportunity to meet with our field supervisors, learn more about our field work, spend time with our host family, and learn more about each of us.
Some of the highlights of the week:
1. Indo-American cultural exchange program. BSW and MSW students performed for us and we introduced ourselves, shared about our families, and then performed the "Electric Slide" (okay, Sara, Jessica, Caitlin, Ingrid, and Jeremy performed and I introduced).
2. Katahkali Dance. It is a traditional dance of Kerala performed by men who have very intricate make-up and intense facial movements/expressions. The plot- A female demon falls in love with a prince and goes to him in her human form. The prince falls in love and agrees to marry her but wants to inform his family and get their blessing. The demon, impatient, tries to tempt the prince but he refuses. She tries again and he cuts off her nose, an ear, and a breast. Moral of the story is never aggravate a man...never aggravate a man with a sword...never aggravate a man with a sword even if he says he loves you.
3. Overnight houseboat trip through the backwaters. A lovely excursion with plenty of vivid colors, tasty meals, and fun. I can usually think of ten things I would rather be doing than sailing along any body of water for hours but nothing could possibly compare to this experience.
4. Dinners with the family. Dr. Burry brought us black beans and flour tortillas from the US (requested by Caitlin, good job Cait!) In our usual team fashion we prepared black beans and rice (head chef- Caitlin), Salsa (head chef- Jeremy), chicken (head chef- me; sous chefs- Jessica and Andy), fruit salad (head chef- Sicily), with Sebastian as kitchen manager and Ingrid, Sara, Shashi, and Ashika as rotating sous chefs. It was great! Best meal we have prepared together.
The next night Sicily taught me how to make Chicken Masala, vegetable biryani...this family is so awesome. Sicily started things off, Neethu translated, and Sebastian came in to assist with the prep. While I am here Aunt Sicily plans on teaching me several dishes...I cannot wait!
5. Sweet bread, jam, and chai. When a new visitor comes to Rajagiri the breakfast includes sweet white bread and jam in case she/he does not like the breakfast chutney, etc. I love lunch and dinner Kerala style but prefer bread and jam for breakfast. It is simple, familiar, and easy on the stomach...we have had it every morning since Dr. Burry's arrival. A little bread and jam with a cup of chai goes a long way- yum!
In other news...
This upcoming week our US roomies and friends Ashika, Shashi, and Andy will be leaving us. We have shared some laughs, jokes that caused the laughter, good food, not so good food, and more. I will miss having them around and hope that we will have a India reunion when we are all back in the states.
Questions of religion have challenged me ever since I was a young girl. For me religion is a title, a name by which people identify themselves or others. It is a set a rules, traditions, and perceptions dictated by those who have written down the teachings of great figures and spiritual persons. “Overly religious” people or those too caught up in names to really know god have always terrified me. Faithful people, those who can see god in all men, women, and children regardless of the name by which they call him have always inspired me. These people, with the clarity of thought to know that god made us different with different needs and varying wants but made us and therefore claims all of us, have always given me hope. Sometimes it is hard to recognize the faithful because they either refuse organized religion or are deeply associated with one. But if you listen, truly listen, to their heart and pay attention to their actions you will know them as faithful.
It has always confused me when people try to tell me that you have to claim affiliation with a religion and a building in order to know god. If he created me, orchestrated my life and my journey, then how can he not already know me? And if it is about me knowing him then would choosing one religion and one house not be the equivalent of taking one class in school and proclaiming mastery of that topic? For me, god cannot be found in only one text, one style of praying, or one house. Like professional education, religion is costly. I cannot afford to pay for membership to all in order to know god as I want to…have you ever heard of the poor man’s copyright? I have the poor woman’s religion. It is simple and does not cost more than you are capable of paying. Are you ready for it? It is called an open mind and open heart combined with the ability to reason and question. You study people, how they act in good times but more importantly in bad times. You go to the library and read all the books of worship available (and if the library only has one religion’s text you question). And when you need to be reminded that god is in all of us you visit a friend’s or relative’s house of worship. I have found god in people of varying religious commitment and of different religions. They have taught me compassion, cooperation, humility, patience, faith, and love. Most of are in my family and friends circle, others were instructors or peers at different stages of my schooling, and the rest were those rarities in history and or current events.
Rajagiri College of Social Science is a catholic school. You might have a class where your instructor is a priest or in one where a few of your peers are priests or nuns. These men and women clearly wear the cloak of religion but in them I have also found faithfulness. They do not talk about their religion as something they are forcing someone to join or using to denounce someone else’s. They speak of active participation in life, working for a better world, and diligent cooperation which to me are words of faithfulness. Since starting my field work I have been out to many different locations most of which are catholic parishes. The majority of the visits with the priests and nuns have been pleasant and inspiring. But there was one that has been weighing on my heart (and the inspiration for this long blog). Keep in mind I have been questioned about my religion but not my faith ever since I started field. Are you catholic? Are you Muslim? Do you go to church or mosque? This particular priest, while I was accompanying an outreach worker, asked if I was lazy when I told him I do not belong to a house of worship. Lazy, really? I always thought it lazy to accept religion without questions or the use of one’s own faculties. Religion is a guide by which you follow to help you get closer to god and just like Mapquest sometimes the information is not always accurate. How many missed opportunities must one take before they begin to question? A question cannot diminish faith. And when people refer to blind faith are they or are they not acknowledging that they have failed to look at the world around them…is god not everywhere?
I cheer for those who use religion wisely and worry for those who have allowed it to lead them astray. The next time I am asked if I am a Christian (that is usually the first choice) this is what I will say: “Yes, yes I am a Christian but I am a Muslim too. I am wherever god is and my guides are those willing to teach me his truths. When I say my prayers I am Muslim. When I sing songs of worship I am a Christian. When I practice forgiveness I am both and when I relinquish judgment too. When I do acts of kindness without expectation of reciprocity my blessings are counted and I need not wonder in which book they are recorded. So yes, yes I am a Christian and a Muslim for that matter a Jew too. I am wherever god wants me and wherever his light shines through.”…okay I will not say all that but I will be thinking it as I shutter at the ignorance of someone entrusted with god’s message of faith and faithfulness.
When we first arrived in Kerala the gender rules were obvious but unspoken, men enter either the front or the back of the bus, women only enter from the front, and men sit/stand in the back and women in the front. Why would a culture need such a rule?
Yesterday, July 7th, I was on the bus with Thankam (my field guide/escort) going to a site location when there was a father standing to my right and his preadolescent daughter standing on my left. Keep in mind that the buses here are always jammed pack, there are no personal space boundaries, and every driver is preparing for NASCAR. The man (trying to use kind words) found a way to keep his arm/elbow in constant contact with my chest. Whatever shift I could manage there was definite contact with my body and his. Was I being paranoid or was this man violating me? At one point there was enough space to shift myself completely away from his perverted elbow but I could not help but feel like I should have said something. But what would I have said? Who would have been thrown off the bus, him or me? Does this sort of thing happen all the time? Is this why there is usually such a clear divide and why women claw their way on the bus to get a standing space up front? I do not know.
Today, July 8th, I was definitely violated, so was Thankam, and by the same pervert. We got on the bus heading back towards Aluva from Ernakulam. We started out both standing but a seat opened up and she took it. A man who must have been standing behind her shifted forward, I assumed it was to get a better space and footing. As the ride progressed I noticed that I was becoming too familiar with this man’s anatomy. I was definitely not being paranoid this time. Again I tried to shift but with even less luck than the day before. Could he not know that he is violating me? This is ridiculous! I shifted and this time was able to place my book bag between my body and his. Disgusted, I brainstormed what could I possibly do to stand up for myself. While brainstorming I looked down at Thankam and her face was showing an expression I had not seen before, she looks uneasy in her chair, and then I noticed… This man, this piece of a piece of man was violating her too. Without shame or hesitation his anatomy got acquainted with her back/side the way it had with my thigh/hip region. Fully clothed so who would know it? The buses are just that crowded. At one point to shield both of us, I shifted my bag and Thankam held it in place. As a few spaces opened up the man moved and Thankam looked up at me and said, “Nasty man.” All I could do was nod. I had hoped that maybe I was delusional and that she and I had not shared a moment of violation but clearly we had. A few stops later we got off and she motioned me towards school while she headed off in a different direction…I wonder will she bring it up tomorrow?
In my Rural and Urban Development class we are talking about the UN Millennium Development Goals established in 2000. The target date for reaching all 8 objectives is 2015. The third goal out of the eight is gender equality. India and other developing nations are trying to level the playing field for women. But in cultures and societies where women are not used to speaking up for themselves, can their ever be equality if the solution to safety is that women are herded to the front and men to the back? Where are the programs and services on gender sensitivity, sexual harassment, and self-control? I do not think I can change the bus norms here but maybe I will try to arrange a group of female and male students and find out what their experiences have been...will keep you posted.
I accomplished one of my goals for India. I saw Asian elephants in Asia. The elephants were all rescued from the Kerala forest due to one type of trauma or another. There were babies, females, and bulls all magnificently large, beautiful, and gentle. Jessica, Ingrid, Caitlin and I road one bareback; we had our own support, self-help, empowerment group going on between us and the elephant. She was absolutely beautiful and amazing…it saddens me that I cannot recall her name. “Just breathe…we’re doing fine…we love you…” were the only things I could think to say to keep us calm and from her feeling our nervousness. I was not afraid of her but of the fall; the balance of three of us was at the mercy of her steps. With each one we would shift more and more off center. When we dismounted her trainer asked if we would like to pet her. I was right there without a second thought. Walking towards her I was amazed at her size and when I felt her trunk I was humbled by her strength. It was not that long but I stood their rubbing her freckled tough-skinned trunk and she leaned in towards me. We were cheek to trunk for a moment and I could have stayed with her the rest of the day but there was more to do and my vote was one out of eight. I did see her again. She, an adult male, and a baby elephant were escorted to the river where they bathed. We did a lot of other great things that day but hugging an elephant was by far my highlight moment.
Biju is the best coordinator, EVER! And we are slowly adding friends into our outings...Jetu was kind enough to drive but also a lot of fun to hang out with.
4th of July 2008 will live in memory for UMB6 and the Michigan/Chicago crew. It was quite a celebration and one that rejuvenated our spirits. We prepared a meal with our host family and had a celebration on the roof of the house. There were fireworks, music, dancing, and just an all around good time. The Sebastian family is just absolutely wonderful, they opened their home to us and allowed us to capture a little bit of home. We prepared spaghetti with homemade tomato sauce (teamwork at its best), garlic bread, and a fruit salad. Good food, people, and nice weather…hope your 4th was great too!
All the comforts of home without leaving India, was our experience on June 29th. It actually brought on my first full fledge bout of homesickness but well worth it. We went to visit Joy, Jerry, and Jasmine at their home Palai. Joy is Sebastian’s brother-in-law and had lived in the US for several years his wife (Sebastian’s younger sister) is still there. They have an amazing home and family; what would I expect being related to Sebastian? Sicily, Sebastian’s wife, prepared a meal that had all of our mouths watering and hands reaching for more of everything. My mom is my kitchen hero but Sicily won a loud and unashamed cheer out of me. Nheetu, Jasmine, and Jerry entertained and updated us on the latest Hindi movie stars and music videos.
Adventures in India will be short video clips of UMB6 as we discover more about India, especially the state of Kerala. The UMB6 crew is as follows:
Sara- MSW/MPH student. She is the adventurous one in the group and the only one who has been here before.
Jessica- MSW student. The youngest in our group, closest in age to many of the students on campus, but a very grounded and wise individual.
Caitlin- MSW student. Her MSW experience has been slightly different from the rest of ours because her first year of classes were at a different University of Maryland campus.
Ingrid- MSW/Law student. Very much the mom of the group, nurturing and empathetic.
Jeremy- MSW student. The only guy in the group and the only one to live on campus. He is the comedy relief and also our social connection with the other students on campus.
Ericka- MSW student. If Ingrid is the mother than I am the grandmother of the group. The oldest, perhaps the most reserved, and the one with the supply of hard candies and granola.
We also have three additional members to our group. Ashika, Shachi, and Andy. They are also American students completing field work in the areas of public health and business. Shachi and Andy are in a MPH program from Michigan and Ashika is in a MBA program from Chicago. Ashika and Shachi are the other two ladies that share the guesthouse with us. The three of them make a great addition to our already great group.
Our host family. We are truly blessed to have such a terrific family. Sebastian (the father/husband), Sicily (the mother/wife), and Nheetu (youngest daughter) have been so gracious and warm. Nheetu is twenty and speaks English, she has been our guide and translator between us and her parents as well as with people in the community. Sebastian's niece, Jasmine, nephew, Jerry, and brother-in-law have also been a part of our great experience here. I will share more about this great family in future blogs.
Biju is our Rajagiri International Exchange Program (RIEP) coordinator and Summe is his assistant. They provide us with information, language instruction, and coordination of activities.
I cannot believe next week will be our one month anniversary. Hope you enjoy watching our adventures. Happy days from India, Ericka.
We have started field work and classes. Within a week's time I have lost a layer of skin reserved for tourists and dawning a thicker more durable one. This new skin is preparing me to see people in their truths, their realities, and in ownership of this place I am visiting. It is a misconception of the American social worker to believe that she can go to someone else's home and change his/her world for the better based on American values and ideas. The reality is simple, before you can recognize the need for change you have to first recognize the value in the current experience(s).
Last week, Wednesday, I started field and went out into the rural coastal region to visit a day care (creche) for children in low income families. It was great! There were about ten or so children ranging in age from infant to about three years old. First, they all looked up at me with wide bright eyes curious but cautious. But true to form I went into my "I'm willing to play a fool for a child" routine. One by one the boys warmed up to me, even more curious about me because they wanted to see what I would do next. Before I knew it I had little ones trying to tap my arm, leg, or back before I turned around and some of the older girls even joined in. As I played with the children (not saying a word that they could understand- language barrier) mothers entered the one room building smiling and speaking Malayalam. I would do something to make the children jump and giggle and the mothers would look at us and carry on their conversation. Having been here going on a month, people watching every thing I do no longer phases me. The mothers were actually there for a SHG meeting (self help group) that was started to help teach them about saving money. During the meeting the women selected a president, secretary, treasurer, and decided to meet once a week on Tuesdays at 2:30 pm. Wednesdy afternoon was spent visiting a few churches and a school to tell them about the youth development programs the agency offers. By the end of the day I was exhausted but in a good way.
Thursday, oh Thursday. During the morning I went out with my usual travel partner, Thankam. She is an older lady who works at ROSS (Rajagiri Outreach Service Society) that has opened my eyes to the misinformation and education our society has given the world...I will explain at a later time. We went out to several schools, again promoting ROSS programs for middle/high school students. In the afternoon, I went with a different ROSS worker to a geriatric medical camp that meets once a week to provide free medication and check-ups to seniors who otherwise would go without care. The doctor recruited me to help place the blood pressure device on the patients as they came into the room to see him. Their eyes had the same level of curiosity and eagerness to know more about the tall foreigner that the children had the day before. There was an older gentleman directing me to do different things and my smile must have egged him on because he just kept going an going...I wonder what he was like before time wore on his bones because even with discomfort he still has a lot of pep in his movements.
I could go on and on but will instead simply say, India will change me more than I could ever change it. I am humbled in some small way every day.
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